The Thing I Want Most

     The thing I want most I cannot have, or so it seems.  It is not a person, an animal, a place, a trip, and it is not a concept.  It is bigger than a bread box.  It is not money.
     I cannot or will not tell, so I do not know why I am writing this.  I suppose, reading The Mrs. Dalloway Reader, about the writings and essays of Virginia Wolf, I am inspired, although not to walk into a river with stones in my pockets.
     After writing American Boys, an 'e' book, I suppose, so no one can steal my idea, my story, I realize how much I thought about my characters, my story, in depth, what they were about, and why, and even who they were based on, and what my class story is really about.  There, I said it, class, for one thing, hardship, compassion, love, war, politics, family, poverty, wealth.  No one in my story is bad.  Everyone is good, I suppose because at heart, I am good, you know?  I do not like books and movies about bad, yucky people.  I like the ABC television show Revenge, but I get sick of how bad the Grayson's are, and Emily, the star.  Sometimes, I downright cannot stand her.  Madeline Stowe, who plays Victoria is beautiful to watch, and I enjoyed Nolan, because he looks and acts like Alan did, my love who died.
     So, the thing I want most... I will never say.  I should say the thing I want back, something material, I once had, not a person.  Just forget it.  Hah.  I do not know why I wrote this particular blog.