Don't Beat Yourself Up Over Your Character Defects - Just Look at Them and Ask God Humbly, to Remove Them

     Some of us are very hard on ourselves, as well as hard on others.  Sometimes, there are those of us who do not want to be the way we are.  We do not want to hurt anyone.  We want to be loving and kind, not everyone does, but many of us really do.
      Some say family relations are hardest.  I think that is true.  The relationship of the adult child to parent is often a mixture of fondness, high regard, but also contempt and resentment.  Ultimately, we would ask ourselves to forgive them, to forgive everyone that has ever in our book, let us down. 
     Sometimes I am not that nice, and I regret that, but I know that if I look at myself and where I was coming from, there was a resentment, jealousy or fear.  All resentments are related to fear, fear of loss, loss of security, self-esteem, etc..  People are complex and in some ways not. 
     We sometimes are people pleasers, pushed around, do things we do not really want to, just to be agreeable, but the grudge we feel just festers in the situation, making one's own behavior less than desirable.  It is hard to put on a front, a happy face, all the time.  We get un-centered.  Words are unsettling.  We forget to say, 'what do you mean?'  We make too much of words, but we are caught off balance, lose our bearings.  This is what happens to me.  I do not know about you, but you probably understand.
     We cannot be perfect.  I cannot.  Maybe you can, and all I can do is try to do my best and stop beating myself up for not always pleasing everyone, for being a scared little girl deep down, who is afraid of insecurity, of loss of self respect, sense of self.  The best thing is to keep our head held high enough so that these little unsettling events do not turn us into a zombie for days.  I do not know if this makes sense or if it is just me, and perhaps I have mild mood swings, maybe intense, but I am sure I am not the only one.  We all have issues, and some are sicker than others. We do not have a gage to measure that, but our actions show the truth of it.
     Actions speak louder than words, but words are important too.  Sometimes a kind word can lift someone's spirits, or even lending an ear, not for gossip, but when someone has a problem.
     There is a Diana Ross song: Reach out and touch somebody's hand, make this world a better place if you can... take a little time out of your busy day, to help someone who's lost their way, would I be talking to a stone if I asked you to share a problem that's not your own?... when you meet an old friend on the street and he's down - you know his shoes could fit your feet... reach out and touch...  Most people don't have time anymore for anyone.  Make time.  Take time.  Make a difference for someone, anyone, a child, a teen, a tween, an old person, someone going through something, a blind person, a sick person - help somebody, or in the words of Bob Dylan, SERVE SOMEBODY!  Stop doing things for prestige and stature, just do it for the good of good itself.  Get out of self, not for more self gratifying achievement of holiness, but for the sake of love, for love's sake.
      I heard on the news tonight, they found the violin played by one of the musicians on the Titanic, who went down playing.  The band went down playing.  We should all go down playing.  Do not be afraid to die, just live.  I believe Gandhi said, 'learn like you will live forever, live like you will die tomorrow.'