Never be a door mat. Never accept the unacceptable. Never let someone disrespect you. If you are married with kids and financial assets, it is harder to break away, although I had that and it broke apart. However, I can understand wanting to stay with someone you truly built a life with, if you possibly can, but if that person is unfaithful, and forgiveness is something you cannot muster up, then maybe it is time to walk away. It depends.
After my marriage broke up, I was in my early thirties, and I had the world at my fingertips. I just did not know it. I was beautiful, talented, had a nice house, got a job, was a good mother, but I did not believe in myself as much as I should have, in retrospect.
I still had my essence, but after my marriage ended, I got involved with the wrong guy, and stayed too long. I finally lost me. I found myself again, finally, but only when it was over. I allowed myself to be downgraded and disrespected, even brow beaten. I stopped believing in me. I stopped loving me, because I believed the lies. I was stupid.
After coming up through the wreckage of my life, I reinvented myself, and had to find my essence. I am still getting it back, and I freed myself long ago. The problem is, it is hard for the bitterness to go away. No matter how much you pray, meditate, do yoga, learn a Course in Miracles, you cannot really outlive the jadedness, the disappointment in life.
So, now I know life is far from over, and I have by no means given up, although sometimes I think I should, I still have regrets, and I know that is not a good thing. So, never stay in a bad relationship for years out of codependence, fear, loneliness, addiction to that person. Find yourself. Free yourself. Love yourself. If Jennifer Aniston, as beautiful as she is, could live without Brad Pitt, you can live without anyone. That is how I feel. Someone being good looking, sexy or having charisma, is not a reason to stay. While others may adore him/ her, you know the real monster inside that person. They do not. If they had to live with them, then they would know.
But, we have a choice. We can be treated like crap or walk away. I say walk away with your dignity in tact, before it is just too damned late.
I do not have many regrets, and truthfully, everything is as it should be or it would not be so, I guess. I have acceptance, because I have learned to accept things.
Looking at the white and pink gladiolas in an orange retro vase, I think about all the times I have been wigging out in the past, or drinking too much, or being with the wrong person, or wasting money on the wrong things, I realize I am not sorry about any of that, and have little regrets, but I have a few. I would love to stand before you, break into song brilliantly, singing, I Did it My Way, like Elvis, but I will spare you.
However, I would change a few things. I would have tried to keep my house, as long as I could, when my marriage broke up, and I would have kept my kids' lives steady that way.
Even though I would still have run out of money, I could have found a way to be resourceful, maybe.
I would not have gone back to school, for the second time, having already gone back to school at thirty. I would not have gone back at forty. I would have kept teaching, until they gave me a permanent job, because I was good at that.
I should have just majored in art, because I found it easy, free flowing, the class most easy for me. Music was too, but took a lot of practicing and playing piano was hard for me, because I did not have a piano for long, growing up.
Yes, I would have just gotten a degree in art, studio art. It would have been easy for me, rather than jumping around like a butterfly, that could not focus too well on any one thing for too long. My grades were good. I will say that.
I wish I never went to England or India in '96, and I wish I had never been romantically involved with a man with a foreign accent, not because of anything against foreigners, just that the relationship was bad for me.
Other than that I am glad about everything. I do not think I turned down a great chance about anything. I just wish I had done those things different. That is all. And, I know that I must accept it as it is. I know that all too well, and it is okay, just that I wish it were the way I said, if I had a choice to change. Of course we all know that is not possible, so qu'est sera, sera, I guess.
I do not like to say anything negative about anyone, but truthfully those closest to me, know I backbite big time, sometimes, but not usually.
I do not like to talk too badly about celebrities, and now that I am on twitter, and I have been a semi-public figure for a while now, since my blogs are popular on Google, including American Boys, and I have a Youtube channel with my music and talks, I am especially conscientious, but I have a bone to pick with Deepak Chopra PhD.
I have been a big fan of Dr. Chopra, and have read many of his books, including Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, The Third Jesus, his book on child rearing, which was excellent, and inspired one of my first, if not first blog articles, and many others, as well as listening to him speak on videos on topics from gun violence not belonging in a civilized society to the meaning of life.
Remember, I am a Reiki Master, so do not think I am closed minded when I say this, but Chopra's views on medicine, western medicine, I feel are elitist, untrue and misguided. I will tell you why.
When it comes to medicine, traditional medicine vs. alternative medical modalities, which my work falls into, poor people on Medicare and/ or Medicaid, as well as Social Security, SSI or both, retired or disabled, cannot afford fancy alternatives. These health care programs do not pay for that stuff.
Secondary, he says that people should address the cause for depression and anxiety, rather than take medication. He claims they stop working, and the patient needs more, but that is a complete falsehood. I know from experience of my own and others, that a person can take the same amount of medication for years and years, and never need more, perhaps may need less. I agree that issues should be addressed, and counseling can help, as well as books, meditation, yoga, exercise, nutrition and self-help, in general, but to tell people who have biochemical diseases such as bipolar, depression or schizophrenia, an organic brain disease, that they do not need their medication, is not only ignorant, but utterly irresponsible. If you ever had a family member with schizophrenia, you would surely know that.
I would try to address Dr. Chopra, but he is too rich, powerful, and untouchable, and I think as unaware and disconnected as Mitt Romney, if not more so. I am sorry, but I know why people have been telling me for years, that they do not care for Chopra. That is why they call him Deep pockets Chopra, lol, just kidding, or not, as I say.
Some people always beat themselves up. Some people always feel like victims, and some think the world revolves around them.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Nobody."
That's our little Course in Miracles joke that a friend named Faye made up. It's silly, but it always makes me laugh, especially when she says it. The most freeing thing for me was realizing I was nobody. I have been treated like a second class citizen a lot, so I should have known it for a long time.
The thing is, not everything is about you, as I said before, or me. Even the things in our own life we either feel guilty about or blame people about, are not necessarily about us. I learned this lesson when I told someone close to me that I was sorry about something from long ago. The thing I was sorry about was for the best for them, but with my egocentric thinking, I thought everything was about me and my own relationship to someone I love, but other people have other ways of seeing things.
We may feel like a failure as a parent, but perhaps it was not about us, but more about your child and their other parent, and so forth. There are infinite variations of how this could be, infinite relationship situations.
If you look at your own life, you may find examples of the same thing.
But then again, there are many types of people. There's a joke in twelve step programs, 'some are sicker than others.'
This is a new blog I created, to talk about the radical ideas I believe. Reader beware. This blog is not for the faint of heart.
Some of my views about where we really came from, and where we really go when we die, are not traditional to any religion.
I do not apologize if my ideas are not in line with Meher Baba or Christianity. I do not apologize either, if I sound like an atheist. I believe in a Course in Miracles, in which God is everything, and this gives me faith and hope.
I also believe in the higher self, the one we say Namaste to, 'my higher self gives salutations to yours.' I believe in oneness, collective consciousness, and along the lines of the new humanity blog I also write, the belief system that a raising of consciousness to love and compassion, raises the consciousness collectively.
Look back at how people were treated, certain groups of people, and how in some ways we have uplifted ourselves for the most part, with the exception of some crazy skin heads. I believe this is due to the collective raising of consciousness.
I believe that consciousness is all that is, from the insect to the human being. I believe that a fetus comes from nothing, and as it grows, there is consciousness, and as it grows extremities and fingers, even sucks its thumb, or if a twin, interacts, this consciousness gets higher, developing into a little human being.
We all have a choice, love or not love. Our entire life is a choice. I think life means nothing, but one must live life as though it meant something, because even if we die and go back to nothing, what if there is a higher power to answer to? What then? What if there is a judgment day, where love and kindness vs. cruelty or stealing, and it makes a difference? Hurting people hurt people, but mean people also hurt people, and I believe karma takes care of it all in the end. You need do anything, but do your best and enjoy the show!
