Hauted II/ No It's Not a Horror Movie

     A while back, I wrote a blog called, 'Haunted.'  It was about my procrastination in cleaning out my closet, because of all the memories and pictures, etc., but finally I did, and now I wonder why it took me ten years to finally do this.  So many things have happened to me.  There were the recovery from hard times period, the wild partying period, the boyfriends period, the sobriety period, the commission for the blind period, the engagement period, the shopping period, the severe poverty period, but all in all, it has been a little bleak, not to mention Alan getting sick and dying so suddenly.  Oh, and getting David through high school, and then there is Ted. 
     So, now things have really slowed down.  Lately, I feel like something about me screams loser, but this may just be my imagination.  I might only be mildly talented, not sure.
     As I went through papers and things, throwing away most of it, because I could barely read it, I began wondering when I am going to have to hire someone to help with paper work.  I am not quite there yet.  Speaking of RP, a woman in my support group had both her kids diagnosed the same day like mine.  I cried tears of sorrow for her, which is weird because I got jealous of a guy on Christmas Eve, because he said, "thank God," his kids didn't have it.  I had to go back and apologize for saying it was not fair to thank God, because it made it sound like those not as fortunate are not blessed.  I mean, no one made me, I wanted to apologize, because I realized how messed up I acted about it.  Jealousy truly is evil sometimes, even though it is normal.  It is good to be happy for others.
     So, back to going through stuff, there was my love letter box.  Some of my ex-boyfriends' letters were incredibly long.  I had to throw some of them away, but there were some sweet words too.  One went, "Dear Leslie,
                       I am staying with a woman, but you don't have to be
                   jealous, because she weighs about..."
      One letter from me, a typed email, went like this sort of:
     "Dear ___"
          I really think you should reconsider the way you are acting
     towards___..., he has been very generous, etc...  I am not sure  
     how I stand on things right now..."
     Letter back goes, "So is this before or after you___???, etc..."

      So, finally the task is complete.  I am awake way too early today, due to an errand that was pressing on my mind until it was done.  I cannot think straight until afternoon.  It is sort of like a permanent hangover, only minus the drinking.  'Wake up, self...  Darn you...'
     Hope this blog is not too flippant, but I am never going to fit in with the world anyway, so I need to stop worrying about it.  People never forgive you for things, even things that happened twenty years ago, that did not even concern them.  They put you in a little box, but it is not our business what others think.  No need to rent space, and all that good stuff.