Some of us, but few, are lucky enough to become wise young. Others, like me, take years to grow up, and really snap out to ourselves. Although I have not been involved with anyone since my love, Alan, died, I have some 'sage' advice about relationships from experience.
Usually, the longer a relationship in time, the more impressions and karma with that person, and the more likely is marriage and children involved. These are the important relationships, and not necessarily are there children or legal marriage, but I think that the longer the time, the stronger the entanglement, and the harder to escape if that is what you want or need to do.
I do not want anyone ever to think that I am down on relationships. I am not jaded or anything of the sort. I love love as much as anyone. However, I have suggestions from what I have learned.
If someone leaves you, do not take them back, especially if they left you for another. No matter how they plead, just say no. They will only leave again, and are rebounding back to you, which is very disrespectful.
Rebounding is not always bad. For example, if you are in an abusive relationship, and you have to get away to save yourself, it does not matter who or what it takes to stay away. If you fall into someone's arms, perhaps it is a good thing. Do not let guilt from religious upbringing dictate your happiness. Do not judge yourself. Do not let others judge you. Of course honesty is important, and so is integrity, but when someone abuses you, and you have told them it is over, then you are free to do what you want.
The other thing is, do not answer the phone, unless you are truly and mindfully prepared to talk. This will only knock you off ground and off center. Do not answer the phone. Use caller ID, an answering machine, voice mail, whatever you have, but do not let this familiar voice try to persuade you back into something that is not healthy for you.
Stop worrying what this person thinks of you. The stronger you are, and the less you care, the more they want you anyway, so stop caring what they think of you.
Lastly, just try thinking about yourself for awhile, whether you take a vacation or just spend some time doing something just for you, this will help to realign your thinking. Do not dwell on the relationship, the person you broke up with. Focus on yourself, give yourself permission, respect your space, and move on. In the end you will find yourself saved and refreshed for a more beneficial hour. Give yourself time to grieve, whatever it is you need, and when you have let go of this baggage, you will find yourself refreshed and anew, ready to love again if that is what you want. The more you are ready to be alone, the more you are ready for new and lasting love. The most important relationship is the one with yourself and learning to love yourself. All else can only follow this important premise.
I admit it is ironic, since I do not have a real job, that I am talking about being a success, although I have had real jobs in the past. There is a tongue in cheek book called Seventy-Seven Practices of Unsuccessful People, in mockery of the book about seven practices of successful people.
Successful or not, I do know a few basic things, which are rather general in nature, so hopefully I will not seem too overconfident in presenting them. Still, I have made two albums, music albums, written a full novel, a novella and have had a few successes in the past, so I am not a total burnout deadbeat, lol.
First of all, did you know that sugar actually helps your concentration? Even diabetics need some sugar. My mother is very anti-sugar, and I realize that sugar can be gotten from carbohydrates, etc., but there is nothing like a really sugary coffee. When I was pregnant, I was given a glucose tolerance test, and I never felt better in my life.
I suppose this is why women with PMS syndrome crave sugar, even though it is not the best thing for it. I suppose eating sensibly and enough calories is important.
Well, as for will power, what I really mean is the ability to discipline oneself, not necessarily the kind that can keep you on your diet, get you off drinking or drugs or cigarettes. What I mean is, if you are working on a project, it can be difficult to stay focused.
One good thing to do is to keep your office area very neat and clear and well organized. When you make a list, for instance, and one thing is to write thank you notes, if you do not already have the notes, that should proceed the writing of notes on the list.
Recently I did a series of chakra meditation videos for my Youtube channel. I did not want to quit for more than a day or two, before getting through all seven chakras. My reasoning was that I needed to keep up the momentum of my project. I realize I am not the first at all, to do this particular project, but I did not know that until mine were published.
The last thing I want to cover or touch on, is burnout. Burnout in all areas is a problem. We get shopping burnout, decision burnout, caregiving burnout, etc.. When we have shopping decision burnout, that is when we are bombarded with ads, and often make the wrong decision of buying beyond our means or choosing the wrong thing. I guess this is where taking a break can be helpful, although not always possible. I think the sugar can help, but it can become another addiction along with everything else. The best thing is just to take some time for rest and relaxation.
So, that is about all I have to say on the subject of will power. I hate to talk about organization with the way my house looked in my most recent Facebook picture. I need to find someone to take some outdoor pictures with. It is not easy to keep a small house neat all the time, especially when you live with other family members like I do. Still, when it comes to filing paid bills, mail, etc., that is a good way to keep the paper clutter down. I realize many people are doing everything online these days, but I am just not one of those people. It is a little frustrating when you are very neat and organized as you have to be when visually impaired, and others will not keep their areas organized and neat as well due to busy schedules. This is where I have to try not to be a control freak.
I hope you join my blog. This was the third blog I created, and it does not have any followers yet. I guess 'The New Humanity' is the most popular, then 'Sage Words,' and now there is this one. Thanks for reading as always.
The definition of disingenuous is not genuine, insincere, dishonest as to what one says and does, not really meaning what one says in regards to others and how one really feels. This is in my own words, rather than Webster's.
One of my pet peeves is when people are disingenuous. An example would be someone saying, "call me any time day or night," and then you go through the worst time of your life, call them once, and they never even bother to call you back, even when you sent them an email to tell them in a nice way they did not call you back.
If you call someone and they never return your call, calling again is like stalking unless they are a business or doctor's office, and your life depends on it. In that case, by all means, call away.
The important thing to know is that it does not matter. People who are disingenuous have no business in your life. In fact the sooner you know this, the better, because the sooner they will be out of your life. Life is too short to waste time on people who are selfish, self-centered and self-serving. We all have spent time (some more than others), dealing with mean people, and have lived to regret it. As soon as you realize that someone is insincere in the least, it is time to walk away and forget about it. That person is not a friend in any way, shape or form.
I have friends that I have had for many years, some of whom, I have had quarrels with, drunken misspoken words, yelling matches, and more, but we are still close, close friends, because the relationship is not disingenuous, fake and bullshit.
Another thing is if someone does not respect your religious or political beliefs unless you share theirs, that is another reason to clean house of them. Love and respect go hand in hand, and one cannot be sustained without the other, like oxygen and carbon dioxide or hydrogen and oxygen, day and night, flowers and earth, moon and stars, and many more analogies and metaphors.
So, if someone or something hurts your feelings, ignore him or her. If something or someone on Facebook is hurtful or makes you feel less than, like your friend has ten-million 'likes' on their picture, and you have ten, then just don't look at them anymore. Take them off your news feed or block them if you want. People take Facebook way too seriously anyway, which leads me to the next thing I want to cover.
Relationships formed on Facebook are usually very superficial, so even if you are somewhat isolated like me, do not take much credence in any of that. Be careful who you give your phone number to, and especially be careful about your address.
Basically, anything that makes you sad or mad, can just be ignored, and you will be just fine. That is how I deal with things. It is like switching channels on the television with the remote control. Do not stay anywhere that makes you feel bad in any way whatsoever.
I am trying to be more mindful about my eating habits, chewing more slowly, being more selective, and taking more time preparing food.
Like colors, music and everything else, I think the body has a way of telling you what you need to be healthy. The key is paying attention. I suppose this is true about everything.
I like kefir better than yogurt, because it is 99% lactose free, and is loaded with healthy probiotics. It is cheaper than probiotics, but more expensive than yogurt, and better for the lactose intolerant.
I also like antioxidant full fruit juices like pomegranate and blueberry juice. Smoothies make you feel so great. They can be incredibly refreshing. I stayed with a lady in Charleston, who made lots of smoothies. I felt like I was at a health spa, not to mention she had a pool. This was a couple of summers ago, but if you have a blender, there are so many smoothies you can make, chocolate and coffee, green vegetables, blue green algae. Whatever you want, and they are colorful too, with no additives.
A friend gave me a gigantic papaya, which is good for the stomach and digestion. I hate the look of the seeds though, so I get rid of those immediately. I suppose they look like caviar, but not in a good way. Just a little humor.
Alfalfa sprouts are always a favorite for me, although I could not live on them. I like them with cheese, tomato and avocado on a sandwich.
I will be drinking lots of kefir and smoothies this summer, with the occasional ice coffee. Coffee does have antioxidants like chocolate, so it is not all bad. It stimulates the lungs as well, and is good for asthma.
I think the body has a way of telling you what is good for you, but sometimes a kinesiologist can help figure out what you need, if it is covered by your insurance. I am a realist.
I am a strong believer in omega fatty acids, calcium, magnesium and zinc and for those with retinitis pigmentosa, vitamin A palmitate, no vitamin E, and no MSG. Otherwise, if you do not suffer from RP like me and many of my new support group friends, vitamin E is probably good for you. You can still put it on your skin either way. I know it helps the skin to heal. I am also an avid believer in B-complex. Folic acid, pantothenic acid, niacin and other B vitamins are necessary for hair growth, skin, nervous system, and stress. Pregnant women are much in need of these, especially the folic acid, which can be obtained in orange juice.
Cooking is easier in summer, because you can eat more raw food, and cook less soups, but there are really good cold soups too.
Protein is something vegetarians and meat eaters do not always agree on. I think protein is good for keeping good muscle tone. You know how if you lose too much weight, you lose muscle mass, so if you want to build up, and are into working out, protein can be obtained from meat, fish, poultry, legumes, tofu, dairy if it sits okay with you, and soy, which is what tofu is from.
Mostly, it is good to eat mindfully. I prefer free range eggs and chicken. I am gluten and dairy free mostly, but I do eat some rye bread, and I have a little bit of half & half in my coffee, as well as occasional cheese and yogurt. I prefer soy milk.
I think whatever you feel good eating is what is good for you, but you really need five servings of fruits and vegetables per day.
A while back, I wrote a blog called, 'Haunted.' It was about my procrastination in cleaning out my closet, because of all the memories and pictures, etc., but finally I did, and now I wonder why it took me ten years to finally do this. So many things have happened to me. There were the recovery from hard times period, the wild partying period, the boyfriends period, the sobriety period, the commission for the blind period, the engagement period, the shopping period, the severe poverty period, but all in all, it has been a little bleak, not to mention Alan getting sick and dying so suddenly. Oh, and getting David through high school, and then there is Ted.
So, now things have really slowed down. Lately, I feel like something about me screams loser, but this may just be my imagination. I might only be mildly talented, not sure.
As I went through papers and things, throwing away most of it, because I could barely read it, I began wondering when I am going to have to hire someone to help with paper work. I am not quite there yet. Speaking of RP, a woman in my support group had both her kids diagnosed the same day like mine. I cried tears of sorrow for her, which is weird because I got jealous of a guy on Christmas Eve, because he said, "thank God," his kids didn't have it. I had to go back and apologize for saying it was not fair to thank God, because it made it sound like those not as fortunate are not blessed. I mean, no one made me, I wanted to apologize, because I realized how messed up I acted about it. Jealousy truly is evil sometimes, even though it is normal. It is good to be happy for others.
So, back to going through stuff, there was my love letter box. Some of my ex-boyfriends' letters were incredibly long. I had to throw some of them away, but there were some sweet words too. One went, "Dear Leslie,
I am staying with a woman, but you don't have to be
jealous, because she weighs about..."
One letter from me, a typed email, went like this sort of:
"Dear ___"
I really think you should reconsider the way you are acting
towards___..., he has been very generous, etc... I am not sure
how I stand on things right now..."
Letter back goes, "So is this before or after you___???, etc..."
So, finally the task is complete. I am awake way too early today, due to an errand that was pressing on my mind until it was done. I cannot think straight until afternoon. It is sort of like a permanent hangover, only minus the drinking. 'Wake up, self... Darn you...'
Hope this blog is not too flippant, but I am never going to fit in with the world anyway, so I need to stop worrying about it. People never forgive you for things, even things that happened twenty years ago, that did not even concern them. They put you in a little box, but it is not our business what others think. No need to rent space, and all that good stuff.
If you subscribe to Kripalu Magazine like I do, you can check out the yoga clothing, although I cannot read the print. I still like looking at the pictures. They do have magazines on talking books, but I never ordered any from the state library, because I cannot imagine reading an entire magazine, back to back, every article. Men sometimes say they only get Playboy for the articles, but the only men who are being truthful, are blind men. Seriously.
Anyhoo, when it comes to yoga clothing, I think if you teach yoga, I can see spending money on really great yoga clothes, such as Beyond Yoga and PrAna, but if you are just taking a class or doing it at home, I think yoga pants and tops from Walmart or Target are good enough.
The summer before last, I went to Charleston with a girlfriend, to visit one of my friends from the school for the blind, and we stayed with a lady who is a doctor. I never get up early, but I agreed to get up early to go to yoga with her. She had beautiful yoga pants, which she said she bought online for about sixty dollars. I coveted them. They were the kind with slits in the back, and really quick drying, wicking material, easy care, pretty, etc..
I ended up finding a pair of teal green ones for a little over thirty online, from Beyond Yoga. They were the only slightly expensive yoga pants I have bought. Now I am longing for a pair of straight ones in orange, but I am being good and patient. It has been a year and a half, but I suppose that since I am not going to classes right now, and did not get my teaching certification, I can just do yoga in anything that stretches. I even do yoga in my jeans sometimes, the ones with stretch in them, but I prefer to wear yoga pants.
I think just regular tanks and teas, both long and short sleeved are good enough. I do not find shelf bras comfortable. For men who might be reading this, that is a built in bra, which many yoga shirts have. I have two like that, both from J.C. Penney's, one purple and one gray and pink, with matching pants.
I like the kind of yoga pants that fold over at the waste, and I kind of prefer the shorter ones, because I am 5'3", so I have actually had to hem yoga pants. I can sew with an eyeless needle, stuck in a cork, a trick I learned in Columbia, at the commission.
Speaking of Columbia, I took a wonderful ashtanga yoga class there, advanced, at City Yoga in the university area. It was an intense time, and I ended up crying during shavasana every time, which is actually a good thing, a release of all that is no longer serving one, or what Eckhart Tolle calls our 'pain body.'
The instructor had gorgeous yoga attire, the best I had ever seen. They also sold yoga clothes, which I looked at longingly, while waiting for my ride. They had royal blue, cotton pants and absolutely gorgeous tops.
About five years ago, I went up to Calabash, North Carolina, to a consignment shop, where we found a gray and red yoga outfit, that one of my girlfriends got me as a birthday present. We were celebrating my birthday. That was a really cute one, too, and not too expensive, being at a consignment store, another option for finding great yoga clothes. I do not suggest Goodwill for yoga clothes. I haven't seen any good ones, and I prefer not to have someone else's energy on my yoga clothes. They tend to be more personal, since you sweat on them, etc..
Well, that is enough about yoga clothes for today, I suppose. Next time, perhaps, I could discuss yoga mats, blocks, bolsters, Mexican blankets, straps and other props, not to mention yoga carrying bags that you sling over your shoulder.
Eckhart Tolle says that when we do not like someone, it is our ego struggling for survival. Of course, that is what the ego does. We take others' inventory. We may be right, and yet, only the ego is what is threatened.
Still, I see a lot around me that makes no sense. I see people clamoring for spiritual success and prestige in the eyes of their peers in their insular community. I see so much of this in the Meher Baba world. It is strange. They line up to embrace someone, just because they met Meher Baba, but not the people who met Meher Baba, the ones who they approve of. I see so much unpalatable behavior around the Meher Center, that I find it utterly shocking and disappointing. I wonder how they can be this stupid, this insane, this ridiculous.
I realize that my ego is judging all of this, but I know deep down that this is all sick. It is all so strange to me. I see the egos of others, so desperate to defend their important stature, perceived by self or others. I see them play into the game. I observe, and it sickens me, literally.
I see the hypocrisy, the lack of morals and ethics, the lack of compassion or insight. There is no one in that entire community that I could reach out to, that would understand anything I am saying, because they are so caught in the 'bull shit.'
Again, I know this is ego, which makes me perceive this way, and yet it is so dark and false, that it saddens me. I wish one person could see the insanity. It would give me some hope about it, some ease to the horror of it, but I see people who are supposedly intelligent, playing into these silly things, these games.
I realize there is nothing I can do about it, and I have to just let go of it, and just walk away from it. I need to let go. I have no power, and I do feel a sense of separation, but in a good way. There are so many agendas going on, that it baffles me, and not one bit of it is honest or sincere. If it is, it is very naïve.
