Why the Heart May Close from Time to Time/ How to Overcome This

     Many, many people come from far from perfect upbringings and parenting.  From the reviews on Amazon.com, Toxic Parenting is a helpful book for many.  This is an example of how so many people have barely been able to overcome their difficulties, much of which was caused by a lack of enlightened or loving parenting.
     From the time we are born, our nerve synapses are taking in information, learning, experiencing, intuition, call and response.  It is the age old topic of 'nature vs. nurture,' how identical twins raised in different surrounding, if given up for adoption, can be so different, even the same exact DNA, if identical.  You know how, on crime shows, the perfect murder is sometimes committed by the evil twin.  If there is no way of proving who's DNA, than how do we know?
     I am not hear to vent or to talk about my own life, or whatever may be or could have been.  Still, some people, given what they are given or not given, are almost doomed from the start.  I consider myself one such person.  Yes, I know I am very semi-successful in certain circles, but if you look at my life as a whole, you would see that in many ways I have failed to achieve the things I set out to.
     I realize that I am not unique in this way.  Still, as a mother, I know what being a mother is about.  You know how Obama said, "anyone can be a father, but it takes more to be a dad."  He is right about that, and that includes being a mom.
     Many women in our society have had to let the father have custody for a period of time, and that does not make you a bad mother, not in my book.  It is not about us, the mother.  It is about the child. 
     Their are two kinds of mothers that are dysfunctional, the collapsed mother and the child mother, who is such a child herself, that she cannot be an adult.  Some mothers grow out of this, while others never can, and remain adult children all their lives. who cannot comprehend, nor value the feelings of their children or even grandchildren.  I do not want to get all pop-psychology, but these mothers are usually narcissistic, and this may not be entirely their fault, because the legacy of bad parenting may not have started with them.
     In the book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, Pinkola, PhD., talks about how women who are not properly mothered, can heal through relationships with other women, as well as older women, who may be mentors to them, as well as friends.  It is very important that women bond with women of all ages, young and old. 
     Now to talk about my topic, I guess to heal the heart, one needs to forgive, all the while, still protecting oneself through healthy boundaries with the people who have hurt us consistently. 
     If we forgive and move on, we can find a place in our hearts that is open to love and feel compassion for others.  People would be amazed how many people on this planet are psychopaths, meaning they cannot feel empathy.  But, you know if you are not a psychopath, what it is to have a truly compassionate open heart, and that is all that counts.
     Although, one can never truly overcome hardships of their past, pain of it, we can overcome the anger, the holding on.  We can love ourselves, even if that is not how we were raised.  We have to learn sometimes, but if we want to have healthy relationships ever, with others, we need to love ourselves, and even forgive our parents, especially mothers, who we craved nurturing from the most I think.
     The biggest thing is that you survived, you, you made it.  You have feeling for others.  You can be a good parent.  You can overcome a legacy of pain, and you can break a cycle of dysfunction.